Question by Jenny: Married for 17+ years, he walked out…?
I know it happens…but here’s the part I am struggling with. When I found he was cheating again, and confronted him, he moved out the same day. He did not affect money for the first couple of months, (as long as I left him and her alone!) When he withdrew all money and direct deposits, I filed the appropriate support paperwork with the court and was granted 100% custody (he said he could not be bothered), I told him there were no restrictions on visits, as long as he was there for our kids, he decided he could only be “bothered” 2 days a week…needless to say he paid the support order the first month (June) and decided that he was no longer obligated to support our family, because he no longer lives here! (not to mention he has a new family to care for!) The wheels of justice move slow, so I am about 45 days from Child Support Recovery from garnishing his wages…in the mean time I am living on prayers and little else. I have sold most of our furniture for food, sounds worse than it is…but I have no other choice!) He is a Police LT, last month when he did not pay I called his Captain and spilled the beans…he immediately called me and threatened me, knowing I have no money for food, he called Child welfare and accused me of not being able to care for my kids. I survived the visit, and they connected me to community resources. This month, after his Captain said he would abide by the order from now on, he told me he really was sure that until we are divorced (he has no grounds to file, and I have no intention of filing, (simply because I am sick and need health insurance) and I don’t plan on making things easy for him! So again he feels if he forces me by not paying, I will file for divorce and then “maybe” he will pay. A couple of days ago, feeling completely at the end of my rope, I decided to pay him a visit at 1am, of course I found the other woman there, and she was shocked to learn he was married let alone had kids…and even though I was there to try to collect my money this woman was certain that he was right, since we no longer lived together, he did not have to pay! I was not angry, nor did I yell…I just made my presence known. The next day I found out that I could file a warrant for his arrest for non-payment of support. When I arrived home, I was greeted with a “spousal abuse” summons, his complaint read that I did not “RESPECT” his privacy and because I showed up uninvited, I was abusing him!!!! I know, get to the question! I guess I am in awe, that a judge would actually bring charges against me for trying to take care of my family, but it seems like I have done everything by the book, and gotten no where fast! He does everything against the law (adultery is illegal in VA) and has had no consequences yet…will the court see through his nonsense, or am I going to have a criminal record? He told me that once he convicts me for abuse he will get custody and I will have to pay him! Does any of this make sense???
Ok Vertigo, since you went there…he cheated because I am sick. 100% disabled. I worked for 26 years, now I can’t. NOT BY CHOICE or BE CAUSE I’M LAZY!

Funny though, your answer sounds as abusive as he has been to me. In fact, his master plan in the beginning was to FORCE me to get a job, because losing my K/mo income cramped his style!

Vertigo, you should really get a job or a life, 8000+ posts, and mostly angry!

At least I am able to rely on my faith and God, and because of that I am able to keep positive and hopeful of our future!
The reason he has cheated so many times IS my fault for not paying closer attention. I was to busy being a full-time mommy and a full-time employee. He was in the Military and gone alot….I was young and dumb when i caught him 10 years ago. Because of my faith, we struggled through 3 years of counseling and then reconciled, our marriage seemed stronger than ever! Everything was “normal” until I got sick, I guess he is angry that I am probably never going to recover completely, but I have amazed my doctors so far, since I was never supposed to walk again!

Best answer:

Answer by Special 11
No, it’s all BS. He’s just grasping at straws, basically. The court will realize that your soon to be ex-husband is a piece of crap. He left you for another chick, wont help raise his own children, and on top of it all is supposed to be an “example” of a law-abiding citizen. Please, he’s going to get his azz reamed in court. Good luck. Take him for every penny of his meager police salary.

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