Our relationship fell apart when he got married. Many conflicts with his wife and disagreements over him pulling away from his daughter (from a previous relationship). I knew in my heart the wife was not the right person for him. Before they got married he told me if he did not marry her he would lose her. I tried to go along because it was his wish but things went from bad to worse. The more he alientated himself from my granddaughter the angrier I became. My father stopped contacting me when I was a child – and although we eventually reconciled – I just saw history repeating itself. The new wife had been friendly to me and my granddaughter and her mother but shortly before the wedding did a complete 180. She wanted nothing to do with my granddaughter and excluded her from the wedding. Family members suggested she was jealous of them and my relationship with them and felt threatened. I wrote letters and emails trying to reassure her that there was room in my life and love for all but she is very black and white, no grey area, no agreeing to disagree. My son continued to distance himself from me, his brothers and sisters. I was very angry and contacted an ex sister in law of my son’s wife. There were so many common threads in what I was experiencing and she and her family experienced. The sister in law of course had all the details on the wife’s family that were never shared, mental illness, alcoholism, a grandfather who was in prison for murder (verified) She predicted that the alienation of my son from his family was the first step then they would get pregnant. All this happened. I wanted even more to stay close to my son – being very concerned. My son and his wife found out I had spoken to the sister-in- law and cut all ties with me – nasty emails – returning christmas presents – zero contact with my grandaughter. I knew too much. 10 months later I got a text message that their son was born. I took as a good sign and called and sent emails – no responses. I try leaving message once a month just to let him know I love him and tell him what is going on in my life. Requests for his new mailing address and baby pictures go unanswered. There is some glimmers of hope with my son being contact with one brother, his uncle and one set of cousins. This weekend I got the news that my son will be deployed to Afghanistan in May. It is a job that he is good at and loves and I am very supportive of his service to our country. Not normally tearful, I have been crying all weekend – A mother’s worst fear – losing a lost son. Any suggestions of how to reconcile with my son and daughter-in-law will be greatly appreciated.
Thank you!
Vee