I’m going to try to shorten this as much as possible and still get all the relevant information in. When I was 10 my parents got married and my mom married a guy named Eric who was abusive and did drugs. For four years I lived with them and watched him beat my mom up and sometimes rape her. They were both drunk most of the time (or on coke) and would disappear for days at a time, leaving me home alone with my two little brothers, who were born when I was 12 and 14. I missed a lot of school watching my little brothers, and was very depressed because my home was a hellhole.

At 14 my dad got court ordered custody of me and I had to go live with him. He had been trying this whole time – and I saw him a lot those 4 years, but I was stubborn in staying so I could protect my mom, my brothers and my dog. (I had long since smuggled my cat to my dad’s apartment to protect him from my stepdad.) When I moved in with my dad I took my dog, but there wasn’t anything I could do for my mom and my brothers, and eventually there was even a third brother. Through all this time my mom and stepdad would go on binges, they would get people to watch the kids and then disappear for days at a time, they slept around on each other and it was always violent and chaotic there. I visited less and less even though I felt bad, because I was terrified of Eric and so angry and disappointed that my mom kept choosing this guy over her kids.

Eventually Eric got sent to prison, my mom disappeared and the kids got sent to foster care. The kids ended up with family in new jersey and 5 months after she disappeared my mom contacted me from a women’s rehab center where she had been attempting to get over her drug habits. She came back, got a job and apartment and without eric she was doing okay. Nearly 10 months after she had left she got the kids back and she was doing really well. That was 3 years ago, and she has been struggling with depression and falling back occasionally but for the most part has been okay. Whenever I hear from her it is always to help her with a problem, or to give her money. (Being stupid at first I gave her cash, now I realize that when she needs money for a bill or needs food to pay the bill myself or bring her shopping or the money goes to cigarettes and booze). She would have strange men over, have violent relationships and constantly used people.

I have a lot of anger built up, because she was never there for me when I really needed a mom. You know, never taught me to shave my legs or put on makeup, and I don’t want to get into the embarrassing shopping trips with my dad for girl stuff. It was more than that too, because I hated her for choosing someone that hurt her over her kids, but I still have never been able to express this anger because she breaks down, and I’ve had to be the strong one even though she was the parent.

Well, 3 months ago my stepdad got out of prison… and my mom let him right back in her life. Everyone believed that he had changed, but of course they hadn’t lived with him and seen the same act over and over. I tried to support my mom, but we kind of distanced ourselves because I did not want to see my stepdad and I was disappointed in her for letting him back in her life when she was doing so well. It only took him a month to get back on cocaine and to get her on it to. Only a month to start beating her again and for them to go on binges and stick people home and try to con money out of her family. A month ago she called me and told me that she needed money to pay the electric bill because my little brothers couldn’t be in the dark (she uses them to guilt me a lot) and I agreed to pay it and asked where to send the check. She told me it had to be in cash and that she had to deliver it, so I had to give it to her. I was disgusted that she was trying to con me out of money, since I have always given her the money she needs and helped pay her bills, and hadn’t talked to her again.

I had a very bad feeling this week and tried to call her a couple times a day, but haven’t been able to get an answer. I finally went to her house and no one was there and her apartment had been evicted. I panicked and called my grandma and she said that 4 days ago Eric violated his parole and was sent back to finish his prison term. My mom went off the deep end and got really drunk or high and ended up getting committed and the kids went to a friend of hers until DSS can figure out what to do with custody.

This isn’t the first time, and I’m 23 now, and the last 13 years have been about me helping my mom and fixing things when they go bad and I just… I have to call her, and I don’t know what to say. I can’t tell her things are alright, because they aren’t. I can’t tell her when she gets out that I’ll speak for her at DSS to get the kids back, because they have been bounced around so many times she has already ruined their lives, I think they would be better off somewhere else. I can’t tell her I’ll fix it because I love my mom but how many times can you pick someone up if they don’t even try to stand? She is my mom but… I have no faith in her, even if we get her through this Eric gets out in October and I know she will take him back and we will go through this again and again until she manages to completely destroy everyone around her.

I have to separate my little brothers and her, because they deserve my help but I’m not really sure if she does anymore. I contacted her friend and talked to the boys, they are okay, and I gave her friend some money to help with the bills but I feel so… empty about her. I want to take care of her and the boys, but she has taken advantage of and hurt everyone that has ever tried to help her, what do I do?
The boys are 10, 8 and 6.