It’s been 10 years since my father abandoned me. I just recently got back in-touch because I was hoping to get a perspective on things from someone who went through similar stuff and who might have the perspective of hindsight.

Problem is that he is still completely unapologetic about his behavior, his alcoholism, his sending me away to military school for no reason and tearing me away from all of the friends I had when I was a kid. He’s basically a bastard and I want a freakin’ apology.

He’s been a petty and not-so-petty con man his entire life. Spent time in prison for armed robbery in his 20s, has many ex-wifes, illegitimate kids I’ve never met, has been homeless and now is in Mexico living off of social security benefits.

Why can’t I seem to put this behind me? All conversations with him are circular. One moment he’ll tell me he loves me and in another will say that I’m the most selfish person he has ever known and that he no longer wants to talk to me. My family has a history of mental illness, so that may explain it – he may be unable to actually relate normally, in which case, again – how do I put this behind me? Why can’t his display of mental illness be enough to give me closure?

I’m successful, live in NYC, but am sorta lonely with very few friends. I know he’s spent his life largely friendless and I really wish I could get his perspective on how he’d do things differently if he had the chance to do so.