Question by Hotmami619: Mother in Law is causing anxiety attacks and driving me to alcoholism should I see a phsycologist?
The thought of her drives me crazy for hours. When my husband tells me he wants us to go to her house I have to make a liquor store run first..She’s not good to my mind. Do I need phycological evaluation? Do you think i could benefit..I’m trying to get better so I can save my marriage
I only drink when I have to see her so I don’t jump on her.
She’s manipulative and controlling here are some details;
We used to live with her to help her pay her mortgage. I got fed up with her telling my husband everthing I did from me slamming the toilet seat too load to who I was talking to on the phone….I confronted her and told her that I didn’t appreciate her telling the world that i manipulate her son???(she was doing the manipulating) IF he wasn’t home she would harrass me to tell her where he was at!!(Like I was a dictator or something) We moved out the week I confronted her finally!! After that she had a diabetic problem and was hospitaqlized…telling the whole family it was my fault!! Lil’ did she know we were there as well because out babies had hand foor and mouth disease…I had to bring it to her attention becuase she claimed her son didn’t care..she turned red and saw how upset I was.
We have 2 kids together. She’s white and was not happy that my babies’ eyes were brown and not blue or green!!
Best answer:
Answer by chicago floater
nope whoop her butt and lay down the law. am sure you can take her ol curmudgeon azz
What do you think? Answer below!
#1 by JWR on July 26, 2010 - 12:36 pm
Stop blaming your MIL for your alcoholism. Nothing “drives” you to drink but yourself.
Yes, you do need help. Get into therapy for some coping techniques and treatment for your alcoholism.
#2 by mable3691214 on July 26, 2010 - 1:34 pm
She can only make you feel that way if you let her. Whatever she says or does let it roll off your back and take it with a grain of salt. She only has power if you give it to her.
#3 by Gr8estluv on July 26, 2010 - 2:04 pm
Your mother-in-law is not driving you to alcoholism. Your genes and inappropriate coping mechanisms are driving you to drink. Get into a twelve step program or get to a therapist or both. And FAST, before your drinking gets you into trouble. Good luck. Don’t let the ba$tards get you down.
#4 by cinnatigg on July 26, 2010 - 2:58 pm
How about this, start actually acting like you like her. Smile and talk to her as their is nothing going on in your mind. Secretly laugh at her in your head. Take advantage of the time that you are with her. Ask her questions about your husband’s childhood. And then you will realize, she isn’t that bad.
#5 by Christina V on July 26, 2010 - 3:38 pm
i do not think anyone needs to drink to deal with someone. it sounds like you are making excuses. you told us nothing of her behavior, just that you use bad judgment. we all have in-laws that drive us crazy. the rest of us just deal with them in healthier ways.
#6 by Been there done that on July 26, 2010 - 3:49 pm
Don’t play the blame game…..Noone can make you drink but yourself……that one my dear is your choice……so if you become an alcoholic that is your fault……My dad is one……
I think that you are selfish……I think that if you really loved your husband than you would love the woman that brought him into this world……
#7 by mrsknowitall on July 26, 2010 - 4:45 pm
Join the club maybe you should just find a new man that can give you a better mother & law
#8 by Love to Love on July 26, 2010 - 5:43 pm
No you do not need an evaluation. What you do need is to stop letting yourself feel negative emotions based on her in any way. She has NO control over you and if you’ve explained to your husband how you feel then he should respect you not wanting to visit with her. My mother in law used to have that affect on me. Then I accepted that lots of people like me and treat me well and if she can’t then that has to do with her internal issues and not my own. Now I see her if I want to and when I do I do it just for him but I do not speak other than hello and I read or something and if she starts getting annoying I let her know or I leave her presence. Take control of your life, why pay someone else to tell you how to do what you already know how to do.
#9 by loveshistory8888 on July 26, 2010 - 6:36 pm
If she is really this bad why do you have anything to do with her? Of course your husband will want to see her but I suggest telling him you don’t wish to communicate with her. You have no obligation to be her friend.
#10 by ronidl76 on July 26, 2010 - 7:29 pm
Geez…I’m almost pretty sure it’s not THAT bad, and that the problem is 90% you and only 10% her. Behave like an adult, and she may respect you more.
#11 by mickzxl on July 26, 2010 - 7:58 pm
u want to save your marriage knock your shit on the head its you not your motherinlaw
#12 by 1hotmamaG on July 26, 2010 - 8:10 pm
Your mother-in-law isn’t doing anything. You are the one that makes the choice to drink. She doesn’t force it down your throat does she? Take responsibility for your actions and own up to the fact that you drink because you CHOOSE to. What is it that she does that drives you crazy anyway. I bet you are the problem.
#13 by Nena S on July 26, 2010 - 8:32 pm
I think that you need to focus on your drinking problem. Sounds to me like you are making your MIL look like she’s a monster and that is how you justify you drink. (If my son’s wife came to see me and I always smelled alcohol in her breath, I would be VERY concerned…..)
I think you should see a therapist and if he/she recommends you go to an AA meeting then go…and get help. Good luck.
#14 by April on July 26, 2010 - 8:42 pm
Depends.
Is she invasive in your marriage? Does your husband opt for her needs over yours? Does he share with her the personal stuff of the workings of your marriage and then she comes back to advise you on what a rotten wife you are to her son? When she says jump to him, does he ask how hi?
Until I know some of these and other examples, I can’t answer.
#15 by sportsfanstl1 on July 26, 2010 - 9:36 pm
you should go and talk to a professional..it sounds like you are self medicating yourself with the alcohol
#16 by TE on July 26, 2010 - 10:17 pm
I can tell Mrs Mother in law is driving you crazy, Tell your husband that you can’t go to see her anymore it’s driving you crazy…. I can see this is effecting you and your marriage, Stay away from her she’s a loon.
#17 by Amber L on July 26, 2010 - 10:27 pm
I seriously know how you feel. My fiance’s mother treats me like crap, too and sometimes I WISH I could dull my senses before I have to spend time with her. Acutally, both my future OUT-laws are very manipulative and controlling of their son, but we’re in love, so we just try to deal with it and consider ourselves lucky that we don’t live in the same town they do. I would suggest that you talk to someone, because you definitely don’t want to jeopardize YOUR health because SHE is a witch with a “B.” Right around the time my fiance proposed, his parents started getting really out of control, telling me he was cheating and stuff (he wasn’t, I have my ways of finding these things out), and it was making me so crazy that I started seeing a counselor at my school. It really helped me a lot, because I had started drinking a lot to dull the pain, which was not a good idea because both of my parents were/are addicts, so I finally decided to talk about it rather than risk my life or my future by drinking. I know that a lot of the time, it goes against the grain to talk to some stranger about your personal life, but sometimes you really do need to get an outsider’s perspective, because neither you, your husband, your mother-in-law, or anyone else in your family is going to be able to be objective about the situation, and that’s what you really need. And maybe you all should consider a mediator or something.
Also, though this probably won’t help you, sometimes I do little things that I KNOW needle my future OUT-laws to death, but that are so small that they won’t complain to their son because it will make them look bad; for example, I can cook really well, but because my fiance and I are still in school for another year, I don’t do it often, only when family comes to visit. I love chicken, and I have this meal that I make with roasted chicken breasts, asparagus, and usually potatoes. His mom HATES asparagus, and his father doesn’t really like white meat chicken. So every time they come, I cook that meal, and of course, my excuse is that since I don’t cook all that often, I have to make due with what we already have or that I know the recipe by heart, and didn’t have time to look something else up, and possibly have it go wrong. Also, since that song by Akon “nobody wants to see us together” or whatever it’s called came out, when they come over or call, I make sure it’s on. One time, his mom actually called me out on it, and I was like “it’s the RADIO. now it’s my fault what song the DJ is playing…..riiiiiight!” Little did she know, I KNOW the DJ who was working that shift, and arranged ahead of time for him to play that song at a specific time, lol. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA. But seriously, I wouldn’t suggest that course of action; it’s really immature, and the only reason I allow myself to do it is because I’m only 21, and still in college. Once I graduate in January, I’m not going to let myself do that anymore.
#18 by crucy1123 on July 26, 2010 - 11:26 pm
lol. really like the girl with the DJ connection. I am also 21. I have been married for 5 years (yes 5). Dislike my mother in law greatly. Wish I had some friends like you around.
#19 by Colleen O on July 26, 2010 - 11:52 pm
If you feel the “need” to drink for ANY reason then you are an alcoholic. By continuing to drink you’re not doing much to keep your marriage on track.
You are obviously very insecure and afraid of your mother in law. I suggest therapy for you because it is NOT your mother in law who is not good for your mind but yourself. You need to learn to tolerate people especially when they have opened their home to you and allowed you to live there. She didn’t HAVE to do so.