My father died at 57 from complications of alcoholism. I have been married 27 years & have 4 kids. My oldest was dx with alcohol addiction at 16. He was arrested 3 times for fighting and ended up in prison for 2 years @ age of 17 4 felony battery! From the day I learned my son was drinking/doing drugs, our family got therepy. Indiv, and family sessions. With love & support from God, my mom, and dear friends, we came thru that painful time! Son is 25, marriend and doing well. We have not had alcohol in our home for 13 years. My husbands family can’t have a gathering without it! Now that 3 of my kids are over 21, a brother in law constantly encourages them 2 drink shots etc at family events (where young kids are wittness to this b-i-l’s very DRUNK behavior). I’ve tried to explain our feelings of alcohol being inapprop @ bdays, 1st comm etc. And tried to explain our being hurt when they encourage kids 2 drink. Now, they r not talking to me. They say I AM Rediculous! Am I? Or, are they?
#1 by febe102 on July 14, 2010 - 1:19 pm
You obviously have a wacky family who doesn’t respect you and your family and for everything you all have been through. I would dis-own them. As far as your kids who are over 21, they have to make their own choices. I come from a line of alcoholics too and have a son who is an alcoholic. He is back in prison now cause he just won’t listen and obey the laws. My marriage also ended because of alcohol issues so I understand the pressure his family puts on you. Just make an example and don’t go to the events where there will be alcohol. You are not ridiculous but you are being realistic. It sounds like all of his side of the family have alcohol issues and I would prefer not to be around those kinds of people.
#2 by Theresa M on July 14, 2010 - 2:12 pm
I wouldnt attend any of their events if I were in your shoes. Unfortunately, some people arent very sensitive to other peoples beliefs and/or wishes…even if its family.
If you did attend, I would leave immediately when the alcohol shows up. That way it would be making a very big point that you wont tolerate it. The problem is that you have adult kids and they can legally do whatever they feel like doing. Its unfortunate that your brother in law drinks shots (I can understand a glass or two of wine or beer) in front of young impressionable eyes…
What does your husband think of this?
#3 by ananth59 on July 14, 2010 - 2:30 pm
Family for everyone is the sanctum sanctorum ireespective of our culture. I am sure you are competent of managing your family. Under such circumstances there should be a kind of family meeting, husband wife and children, during Sunday lunch for example where you should pose this question and elicite a kind of brainstorming session. If your grown-up children do not see any thing objectionable to the uncle’s overtures and refuse the recognise the trauma this could cause to you and your husband then you should leave it to God. Otherwise a consensus opinion reached around the table will work as a powerful deterrent and help your family members to resist for themselves without your getting in to put things in perspective. It is most important only the family members concerned, definitely not the satan uncle, should be part of this meeting.