I was married to my kids father for 7 years. We split up last june because he had not had a job in 5 years and i was tired of dealing with his alcoholism. We shared custody of the kids for awhile but i was still paying all of his bills and taking care of his finatual needs. I am now engaged to a wonderful man and my kids love him and so do i. He has given me and my children everything. My ex-husband went to jail in another state recently and my kids started calling my new boyfriend daddy. I’m not stopping it but i’m not encourging it. I have decided that when my ex gets out of prison i’m going to try to get joint custody with me the primary caretaker and get child support. I Am not going to pay hs bills anymore either. Am i wrong for just completly cutting him off. I’m so confused about things
the reason he is in prison is for hitting me one night when i went to get the kids
#1 by jemmamomma on July 12, 2010 - 6:13 pm
No, you’ve just reached the point finally where you’ve had enough of his crap. Good for you!
#2 by AnswerDude on July 12, 2010 - 6:19 pm
You should have cut him off LONG ago. What you were doing is enabling his addiction and that is NOT helping him!
#3 by Starkville, MS on July 12, 2010 - 7:17 pm
no you are doing the right thing
#4 by katydid on July 12, 2010 - 8:05 pm
You’re not wrong and you’re not cutting him off. He did it to himself.
#5 by la madre de quattro on July 12, 2010 - 8:15 pm
I don’t think that you can completely cut him off but I would get full custody of the children. He will still be able to have every other weekend with the kids. They shouldn’t be calling this other guy daddy, with the intention of forgetting their biological father. As long as the real father is remembered, then I think it is ok to call him daddy. They need someone to look up to for a father figure right now. I wouldn’t call it cutting him off, though. He will need to learn how to fend for himself. It is a tough world out there.
#6 by KK on July 12, 2010 - 8:37 pm
it may be alittle soon for your kids to be calling another man daddy that you havent even been dating for a year. I think its good that you cut the real father off.. as far as finances go, you shouldnt be paying HIS bills, and YES you should go after child support. I think the dad should be able to still see his kids but he has to be an adult now.. he used you for long enough! i’m glad you have a new guy who is good to you… hope things work ut!
#7 by daizeydee33 on July 12, 2010 - 9:28 pm
I think you should have done this a long time ago. You are now doing what is right, fair, and just not only for you but for your children and even for the new man in your life. This will give you an incredible new lease on life, it will give you a fresh start to all sorts of things. You will begin to feel alive and less restrained. I wouldn’t stop at joint custody. I would try for sole custody if I were you. Why not? What have you got to lose? You should want this for yourself and your family. Don’t feel guilty about anything. Wipe your hands clean of your ex-husband, take a deep breath, and put a smile on your face. You are lucky to have such a wonderful man in your life right now. Finding someone to love you is a difficult enough task but finding someone to love you and your children – now that’s priceless.
Best of luck to you. You are in my thoughts.
#8 by smile for me on July 12, 2010 - 10:28 pm
you are right you hae to protect your kids as well as your new life, good luck hey, you need it.
#9 by momnmeg on July 12, 2010 - 11:22 pm
Of course you’re not wrong. You’re not his mother and there’s no reason you should be supporting him. He’s a grown adult and should take responsibility for “fathering” your children and should contribute financially to their support.
Don’t feel sorry for him. He has the ability to take care of himself but he may have found that in the past it was just easier just to let you take care of him.
#10 by lizzyloo on July 12, 2010 - 11:32 pm
He made the choice not you, to have beautiful children and not to want to change for them is sad. My dad died from alcoholism, he has missed out on so much. It is time you moved on and allowed yourself to be happy. Stop feeling guilty.You are doing the right thing, let the kids call your new man Dad. Be good to yourself.
#11 by Praying for baby #1 on July 12, 2010 - 11:47 pm
Hell, I would have cut him off FIVE years ago. No, you’re not wrong at all!
#12 by lil.lupe on July 12, 2010 - 11:50 pm
Well, this is just my opinion, but if alcoholism took a big toll on your marriage, it would seem that you have done enough for him. And if for five years you had to do the job of keeping him and the family finances afloat you did your best to hold it all together. If he is in jail, he obviously made a bad choice that led him there, right? So he wasn’t putting you or the kids first, So he basically left you long before you met this guy. So cut him off, but not just cause of this guy… because one person can’t force the relationship to work. But do what is best for you and the kids first!
#13 by Smoker06 on July 13, 2010 - 12:41 am
Why don’t you try to get sole custody with no visitation while he is in prison? Seems to me that prison is a pretty good reason to give you sole custody.
#14 by Tracy on July 13, 2010 - 1:39 am
I think you have done enough for this man. He needs to grow up and take care of himself now. You have a new man how would you feel if he was paying his exs bills?
#15 by mjmayer188 on July 13, 2010 - 2:12 am
Cut him off completely!