He’s been depressed since i’ve known him (about 7 years). He’s gone through drug abuse, physically abusing his girlfriend (even while she was pregnant), prison, alcoholism and serious self-esteem and love issues. His mother is a real piece of work who is pretty much the reason he is who he is. His father and step-mother claim to be there for him, but are on the ‘he’s a big boy and can take care of himself’ page.
He doesnt seem depressed at all to most people, but i’ve always been the person he’s confided in. More recently (last 6+ months) he’s been scaring the sh!t out of me. He calls (like last night) me real late and talks to me about how numb he is and how he has no desire to live.
He doesnt complain about anything in specific, he has no real gripes. He just doesn’t want to be alive.
He doesn’t have the money or time to go to a counselor and wouldnt want to see one anyway. I feel like i’m the only person who can help him.
What can I do? I’m terrified for him.
He’s never threatened to kill himself. I make him promise that he wont and he says “I would never do that. I promise.” but continues on about how little he feels. And I actually recognized this in him before he came to terms with it.
I think i’m going to start looking for some low-cost or free counseling. Maybe i’ll drive him and make sure he goes and always has a means of getting there.
#1 by littleredhen on June 26, 2010 - 4:24 pm
Is there some kid of hotline where you live that you can call? He either needs help or he is messing with you. Either way I would call a hotline and change the locks on my door. *JMHO*
#2 by hmmmmm on June 26, 2010 - 4:55 pm
well the fact that he is ringing you means that he is looking to confide in you and prob wont actually do anything drastic, if by some chance he does dont blame your self, YOU ARE NOT RESPONCIBLE FOR OTHERS EMOTIONS. just be the good friend you are and maybe you could talk to some one. P.S. majority of people who say they are going to kill themselves are not suicidle ok
#3 by james m on June 26, 2010 - 5:37 pm
If you know he will confide in you then obviously he trusts you. Tell him as a close friend you think he needs help because you don’t want to loose a dear friend.
I hope this helps
#4 by Perdendosi on June 26, 2010 - 6:02 pm
First, remember that, while you’re his friend, you are NOT his psychologist nor ultimately responsible for his life. It’s difficult not knowing what to do when you desperately want to aid a friend. But not knowing what to do is OK. It’s enough that you’re just trying to do something. Just don’t hold yourself responsible if what you try doesn’t seem to be working.
How do you help? I don’t know. First and foremost, if you really think he’s going to try to take his life, you’ve gotta convince him to get help. It doesn’t have to be a $300 an hour shrink; there are programs available for free. There’s the suicide hotline; there’s commitment in a state hospital. Not great options, but better that he go somewhere, get some medication, and get treatment than not.
Second, if he’s just depressed and not suicidal (sometimes people who talk about suicide are least likely to commit it; they just need someone to talk to) do what he needs. He may just need someone tot alk to. Be there. He may just need to know that SOMEONE cares for him. Do that. Maybe it’s worth it to get all of the people who claim to “be there” in a room to show him that they are… maybe it’s an “intervention,” but maybe it’s just a “for the hell of it” party! Ask a lot of questions; don’t give a lot of answers.
I wish my answer could be more complete, but this is an area of life that I’m just about as clueless as everyone else. good luck to you.
#5 by mari b on June 26, 2010 - 6:59 pm
i think you need to be there for him anytime no matter what bc your the only erson he talks to. try to get him to go out and have fun and maybe he will find something worth living for. but all you can do is listen and help anyway you can, you can always ask your parents what they think you should do to. let him know how much he means to you and how sad your are that he is going through this. some counselors go by income and some do it for free, you ust got to look into it
#6 by Marina on June 26, 2010 - 7:10 pm
You aren’t the only person who can help him. He wants you to feel that way but it’s not true. He has chosen only to reach out to you. He has chosen only to put this burden on you. Why? I am guessing it’s because you still are friendly toward him even though everyone else is afraid of him or dislikes him. This doesn’t mean you can help him.
I believe you should see a counselor yourself, to help you deal with this heavy burden that has been put on you, and make some informed decisions on how to handle it. Right now it’s all emotional and you need some actual information.