He just got out of rehab and he’s trying to persue court ordered visitation. He has one heck of a shady divorce/family law lawyer pushing him to do it, even though he keeps repeatedly saying he is still struggling and is thinking about going back into rehab. I really don’t have money for a lawyer and need ideas about what to ask for in mediation since the ball _IS_ in my court.
Just so you know, if he were still here in state I wouldn’t have such a problem with him coming to see her and things of that nature, but he is on the east coast, and I live in the midwest. I seriously have issues with him taking her so far away!! Any ideas, anyone out there who’s been through a similar situation??
BTW, my ex is pretty impressionable as far as what I say to him buy his lawyer always seems to smooth him over. If he takes me to mediation I really want to make it hard for him.
#1 by serf on May 5, 2010 - 1:22 am
Hire a PI to get pictures of him buying/using meth.
#2 by ANSWERMAN on May 5, 2010 - 1:31 am
find out about legal aid resources in your county or about the possibility of getting a law guardian appointed for your daughter
#3 by iafarmboy2004 on May 5, 2010 - 2:21 am
tell the judge you want him tested for drugs, and NOT a urine test either
#4 by AmBer on May 5, 2010 - 3:11 am
if he takes you to court bring up his addiction and request a drug test
#5 by landoflookbehind on May 5, 2010 - 3:15 am
Family services should be able to help.
#6 by madisonology on May 5, 2010 - 3:20 am
I’ve got a couple ideas. The more direct approach would be to put him in jail for Meth possession. That might be a little too harsh.
The other approach, and perhaps more reasonsable, is to demand supervision by the state whenever your child is in his custody. Perhaps maybe you could just have your supervision and not the state?? The fact is, there is no way if you are the principal guardian that he could take her back to the east coast.
Good Luck!
#7 by tropicaldazed on May 5, 2010 - 3:39 am
Contact your county attorney’s office. Someone should be able to direct you to Legal Aid. They base their fees on income, sometimes they will even do it for free. Good Luck to you and your daughter!
#8 by smurfie72ca on May 5, 2010 - 4:25 am
what about having family and childrens services check him out and have them determine if he is fit he will have to go for drug testing regularily and might end up with supervised visits
#9 by cdc92281 on May 5, 2010 - 5:14 am
You have to be able to prove that he is on meth. You can’t just walk in to court and say, “He’s a druggie”. The best advice I can give you is to pray about it. I don’t know if you believe in God or not, but He can do some pretty powerful things if you believe He will.
#10 by Werecow on May 5, 2010 - 5:24 am
First – get a lawyer. You can find one at no or very little cost through this link: http://www.abanet.org/legalservices/findlegalhelp/faq_freehelp.cfm
Mediation will already be hard for him, with his admitted drug addiction. I’m not in favor of denying anyone rights to see their children, but if he’s struggling -that- hard, it may be best for him to concentrate on getting his own life back together, before dragging your daughter across the country.
#11 by caspersweetpea on May 5, 2010 - 6:14 am
Get your local child, health and welfare involed. Like social services, HRS or what ever the organization is called in your area. They can restrict a parent of visitation rights and boy that will hold up in court. I know from experience. However, if you plan on seeing him that will cause trouble for you and you could lose your child. They may allow visitation, but it would have to be supervised. You can also try a counseler for your daughter. They can also back you and help you with the process.
If he gets your daughter out of state you could be in serious trouble. It is not worth it for the authorities to get involved and then you will be dealing with another set of laws. What if you can’t find them?
Watch out for his attorney and if u can afford one get one asap. Those shady attorneys can really put you and your child in a bad position. I hate attorneys.
Make sure your daughter’s school knows what is going on too and forward all information to them. Don’t give permission to let him pick her up or they could be gone.
Also, go to the courts and try for temporary custody before the real custody hearing comes up to protect u now. If you need to file for a restraining order. There are a lot of restrictions you can put on him for you and your daugher.
I really feel for you. Hope this helps. The best of luck to you.
If you need to talk just e-mail me or find me on im under same user name. Glad to help any way I can.
#12 by justguessing on May 5, 2010 - 6:28 am
go through the courts. Make sure they know he is an addict and hopefully they will make him get tested for meth. There is always legal aid.
#13 by Dexter Brown on May 5, 2010 - 7:12 am
It’s always better to avoid mediation because they may not decide in your favor and then you have your rights dictated to you. Much better to keep it to an agreement between you and the father if possible. Can you convince him to ditch the lawyer and work something out between the two of you?
If you can’t afford a lawyer and must go it alone then the most important to do is show you are REASONABLE.
The mediator does not know who you are or what kind of person you are. Many custody disputes turn into vicious battles. They are supposed to act in the best interests of the child. Show that you want what is best for your child and as reasonably and clearly as possible state why you are concerned about your child leaving the state with the father who may not have proven he is past his drug addiction. ALWAYS remain calm and respectful.
Your objective is to get what is in the best interest of the child, not make it tough for the father.
#14 by sickend123 on May 5, 2010 - 7:46 am
There are alot of details from you I would need to know before I can advise you on this-like were you married to this guy,does or has he paid any kind of child support? Also,I do believe,that if you have sole custody of your child,the other parent can not take the child out of state without legal permission.It depends on the situation. Also,I am assuming you do not have a known past history of any substance abuse,that would further complicate the matter. Does he have any domestic violence charges on him in the past?Does he have any kind of criminal background? There are sooo many things to concider in this situation. If you need to further talk about this,contact me.
#15 by e_jj_e on May 5, 2010 - 8:24 am
just inform the courts that he has admitted to you, and others if possible that he’s addicted to meth. explain that you don’t feel comfortable leaving your child alone with him, especially in another state. ask for suprervised visitation too.
#16 by tgirlgin on May 5, 2010 - 9:04 am
tell the court and the can do a drug test