We have been seperated since July because of his alcoholism and violence. I have had a R.O. against him since early October (because he was obsessive, stalking, threatening, and tried to kill himself because he was so distraught over the fact that I wouldn’t take him back). He is forbidden by the courts from contacting me for any reason other than issues pertaining to our children – however, tonight, he called to tell me that he is dating “Frankie” and that he thinks he is in love with her. He was rude to me – like he was trying to make me mad. I even spoke to her briefly (she got on the phone to apologize for him calling me!!). He sounded drunk, and I’m not really sure why he called. My questions are: 1) Does he really think I would care what he is doing? I’m the one who has decided to divorce him. 2) What might he expect to gain from this conversation? 3) Should I call my attorney tomorrow and report that he called me & violated the R.O.? 4) Can men really be this dumb?
#1 by tonalc1 on April 27, 2010 - 12:05 am
You should call the police; he committed a crime by contacting you.
#2 by Jewell R on April 27, 2010 - 12:46 am
he just wanted to have sex with you tha’s why he called you and said he’s in love
#3 by glendadanc on April 27, 2010 - 1:13 am
He is hoping to make you jealous so you will take him back. Don’t do it, it is a trick. Yes call your attorney and yes men can really be this dumb. (So can some females!)
#4 by nikki newman on April 27, 2010 - 1:30 am
Why
did
you
answer
the
phone
???
#5 by OleMarbleEyes on April 27, 2010 - 1:36 am
Absolutely call your attorney and tell him about the conversation, I might recommend that you get a inexpensive digital recorder for you phone. Let him know that every time he calls you are recording him, remind him each call.
As for his reasons behind the call, who the hell knows. Alcoholics do things that are beyond reason all the time.
#6 by Glo on April 27, 2010 - 2:07 am
Well he obviously won this round. You are talking about it, you are thinking about it. And you are angry about it. If you are done with him, leave well enough alone. Any reaction from you will only confirm to him that you are not over him. However, since he is an alcoholic he may not even be aware that he called you. And since he is an alcoholic and abusive, be happy you don’t have the trouble of dealing with him. Be grateful he found someone to deal with him, less trouble for you. Just move on and forget about him, and sooner or later you will find someone new. God bless****
#7 by renee h on April 27, 2010 - 2:27 am
Obviously from you even taking the time to ask these questions it is bothering you, DONT LET IT.
As the gangsters say “forget about it”
He sounds like a looser and you sound like a strong women, wish i was half as strong as you.
STay strong and stay MOVING ALONG. Dont play his 4th grade game.
Good luck
#8 by melissa052572 on April 27, 2010 - 2:36 am
You know what, leave it alone. He was calling to brag in a way. BUT at the same time he was drunk, so why waste the time to say anything it was one time. I mean if he keeps it up then do something about it.
#9 by kat12 on April 27, 2010 - 2:44 am
He still cares what you think he did call after all and so he hopes you still care. Instead of doing it the sober mature way he opts to be drunk and get a rise out of you to see where you stand. The more mad you get the more he feels in control and also that you still harbor feelings. Call your attorney a violation is a violation you should have to deal with his drunken phone calls. Finally yes men are for the most part dumb. There are a few out there that break the mold but in this case unfortunately not. Good luck hang in there you deserve better:) Remember you first.
#10 by 1hotmama on April 27, 2010 - 3:00 am
Tell on his ass!!! You neva know whats going to happen next!
#11 by CitiBoy008 on April 27, 2010 - 3:17 am
Unfortunately, yes, some of us CAN really be this dumb. But do what’s best for you and your kids and finally end it with this dumba*s, and make a better life for you and your kids. Even if you’re separated, you’re still married and if he’s hanging with another chick, then he’s probably banging her… which is proabably an even better reason to end it completely.
#12 by robert899295 on April 27, 2010 - 4:09 am
no give him a break divorce are ruff for all parties
#13 by bellbottombleus on April 27, 2010 - 5:09 am
1. One you must in any small way care, you wouldn’t be asking.
2. He might expect you go on yahoo answers or call a friend or anyone to say that he called to tell you he was in love.
3. If you are that afraid of him that you had the court issue a restraining order on him, call the police.
4. Yes, men really are dumb. They don’t have the ability to think logically. Sometimes I wonder if they ever do think. I don’t speak of all men, just all the ones I’ve ever known. I think I need new friends. Hummm, I think I’ll post a question.
#14 by Trinity on April 27, 2010 - 5:49 am
No baby, don’t sweat it. That is the ugly side of the monster. He wants to make you feel jealous, there is nothing else and for all I know it could also be hot air.
You made the best choice for you and your family, move on, don’t turn to the east or the west, that is distraction, remina focused in what you do.
Good luck.
#15 by chevys4evr on April 27, 2010 - 6:27 am
you can’t be too smart fer askin a question like this..
u want a miracle answer……
tell the S.O.B. to f!@#% off, leave you alone or you will get your atturney into the pic..
#16 by Phoenix Skye on April 27, 2010 - 7:06 am
You should:
1. Call the police and report it. A Restraining Order is a LEGAL COURT ORDER – and your husband violated it. Get a police report or case number if you can. You can also go to your local police station and file the report in person – they may require this anyway.
2. Call your attorney in the morning and notify him/her. Give your attorney the police report or case number if you have it.
3. Don’t answer the phone when it’s him UNLESS your child(ren) are WITH him – it could be an emergency.
If they are with him and he calls but it’s not about them, remind him he is not to contact you unless it’s about the kids and HANG UP THE PHONE.
If your kids are with you, don’t answer the phone. He can leave a message, and if he does, it will be more proof he’s violating the Restraining Order. Report ALL contact to the police and to your attorney.
And keep the restraining order on you at ALL times. I kept a copy in my car, at home, at work, at the daycare, and one in my purse.
#17 by agentaita1 on April 27, 2010 - 7:28 am
I dont know where you from but if he is prohibited any contact with you he abiously harras you and he can go to jail for violatiing the order of protection. if you feel unsafe you should call the police. if he is violent he might be testing your waters and see what are you going to do about it.
#18 by catchenfish on April 27, 2010 - 8:03 am
This guy needs help, Help you can’t give him. Probable was DRUNK!! AGAIN!!
Call the courts tell them he broke the restraining order.
STAY AWAY FROM HIM!
#19 by Kim Wise on April 27, 2010 - 8:33 am
call cops or sleep with him your choice
#20 by common_sense_don't_hurt on April 27, 2010 - 8:52 am
Don’t react. And certainly don’t OVERreact!
Answers to your questions:
1. He hopes that what he’s doing is going to get you to react. Any reaction from you will be interpreted as “caring”.
2. Any sort of reaction. Again, if you react you’re feeding his ego.
3. No. Altho it was stupid of him to violate the RO, there’s really no real damage/injury. On a single instance like this, NO court is going to hammer him (further feeding his ego with your reaction and lack of court action). Ignoring it will be your best course of action since it was by phone (in person is totally different).
4. Men AND WOMEN really can be that dumb.
Your best action is to be as calm, indifferent and COLD as you can. The lack of reaction will hurt his effort.
Best wishes.
#21 by mysterious_me on April 27, 2010 - 8:59 am
1. He is just trying to get you worked up. 2. He is just trying to get a response from you. Men like that try to see if you show a sign of jealousy .They think that it means you still want them. 3. Yes, tell your lawyer. Don’t let this man get to you. Always remember, Once a beater always a beater.
#22 by noga on April 27, 2010 - 9:58 am
Up until you put a R.O. agaist him.He was in control of the relationship/use to you playing by his rules.Now the rules have changed.He is testing the water to see .How far he can push you?If he can break you.In other words .He is trying to get one foot back in the door.Yeah i would stand by the court order/report him.He apparently has no regard for you or the law.If he is calling you today.What will he do tomorrow? You should have reported him to the police for violating the R.O.
#23 by The ReDesign Diva on April 27, 2010 - 10:20 am
Of course you should call the police, not your lawyer. And yes, you should report it. If you don’t, why the heck did you bother getting a restraining order???? If you let him ignore the order once, he’ll do it again….and again….and again…. You ask if men can really be this stupid….can women really be stupid enough not to report it… think about it…. The order is there to protect you. Not to allow him to call you. Wake up!
#24 by joan_of_freakin_arc on April 27, 2010 - 11:19 am
he wants to make u jelous, he doesn’t love frankie, he loves u, he expects for u to be jelous and upset and ask him to come back to u. he thinks u care one way or the other, cause he hasn’t been able to move past it yet.