We do not have a court order for visitation or child support – I have just been letting him come over and see our 4 mos old twin girls at my house. He has a drug issue and I will not allow him to take the babies until he at least attempts a drug rehab program. I know he has taken his boys (from his own lips) with him when he picks up his drugs. He shared this before the babies were an issue – so do I have to allow him to see them? or can I hold out until he has the you know whats to go to court? and can he get unsupervised visits if I can prove he is a crack addict to the judge?
Upon receiving the first 17 answers I have phoned an attorney and booked myself on Jerry Springer to pay for the attorney – thanks to the “man” for 2 cents- he only builds my case against them.
#1 by Jet on February 9, 2010 - 4:21 am
JerrySpringer.com
#2 by pancake_tits_01 on February 9, 2010 - 5:04 am
Do let him see his kids(WITH YOU AROUND) and keep doing that until you guys can go to court and then take it from there. But do yourself a favor if you dont want you or your kids around drugs then you do not have to let him see them. Think about what is best for the kids not you or him
#3 by OceanStarr on February 9, 2010 - 5:42 am
You don’t have to let him anywhere near them. If he wants his rights, he’ll have to show the court he deserves them. I know someone who has, in 8 yrs, NEVER been late on his child support but can’t see the girl due to his drug/alcohol problems. he has no rights except the right to pay. I don’t blame the mom or the courts, I blame him, if drugs are more important than a relationship with his little girl, okay then.
#4 by babyitsyou31 on February 9, 2010 - 6:33 am
Hold out.
You’re just doing what’s best for your children and any judge would agree with you.
He’s WAY too irresponsible to be alone with your babies.
#5 by lalaland...123 on February 9, 2010 - 7:10 am
well, he can see them — in your house, with you and somebody else (another relative perhaps) around. but don’t let him take the children with him. probably the reason why there is no court order for visitation is because he is proven capable of neglect. if he doesn’t agree to that arrangement then don’t let him see the twins at all. he has to understand that you are trying to bend as far backwards as you can.
#6 by angelma on February 9, 2010 - 7:45 am
NO you do not have to let him see the babies.. Tell him if he wants to see them to tak you to court. Once the courts here about his past and present use of drugs, they may not even let him have over nights anything like that. IF the courts do allow visitation you can request for supervised visits, from either a court appointed person or a family member. That is if they don’t already say they have to be supervised. Sweetie been there done that, I know it is hard, but stick to your guns.
#7 by christina102270 on February 9, 2010 - 8:20 am
Keep in mind that with there being no court order you are not protected either. You really need to go to family court and have a formal custody agreement done. He could take them and not let you see them either. Go to court and file, request a drug test and psych evaluation on him. Fearing the drug test may get him to sign off on his rights anyway. Good Luck!!
#8 by Becky on February 9, 2010 - 8:26 am
You do not have to let him see them until and unless he goes to court. I will almost guarantee you he will not get unsupervised visits if you have proof of his addiction. In the meantime, I highly suggest you let him see them…but only in your presence. They deserve to have their father in their lives.
#9 by Goodspeed on February 9, 2010 - 8:28 am
So far your right about everything…no unsupervised visits…you hold your ground until he cleans his act up or settle this in court…he will either come around less, which means his addiction will be getting worse or he will try and clean his act up and reconcile this relationship so you both can raise the kids together..good luck…do whats right for the kids.
#10 by rdhedhottie on February 9, 2010 - 8:56 am
You are right in letting him have only supervised visits and you can ask the court for this too. As long as you can handle him coming over. Definately get all you can on his addiction to help you in court. The courts main objective is to be sure the children will be safe.
#11 by divaterry1 on February 9, 2010 - 9:23 am
You need Evidence! and Attorney, and support $.
No, you do not have to allow him to see the girls but will that cause you more issues to deal with since he is a druggie?
Supervised visits only and in your home or grandma’s is about as far as I would go. If you prove he has a drug problem the judge will only allow supervised visits and request he enters a drug program,more than likely. If he has a job you may get some help financially as well. Trust me, you will need it at some point.
You really need to get legal custody of the twins before he does something stupid, like kidnap one or both of them. My x did this to me and it took almost a year to find him and get my baby back!!! It was the hardest time of my life!
He was on drugs too!
Good luck and prayers are with you…..
#12 by Misty G on February 9, 2010 - 10:19 am
It sounds like you are doing the right thing and if the visits at your house are becoming a issue then maybe YOU should go file for a visit order. Most judges can see the picture so if you inform them why you are not with him and that he has a drug problem you should be able to get supervised visits. Another thing if you are breast feeding the girls they may not let him take them anywhere?
#13 by iam_4gvn on February 9, 2010 - 10:24 am
In my opinion, I would file for custody immediately.
I am not an attorney and not providing any legal advice. I’m speaking from experience only.
It is my understanding that he has a legal right to his children as you do. In other words, if he picked them up and left with them, he would not be bound by an order to return them to you. He could keep them as long as he wishes or until there is an order that specifically states that you have “sole” physical custody.
Again, I’m speaking from experience only. I live in California…I wish you the best in taking care of your babies :-)
#14 by momx4 on February 9, 2010 - 10:33 am
If there is no court order, then there is nothing to say he LEGALLY has a right to his kids. You are smart for keeping him away from them. I had the same problem with my ex, taking my oldest son with him to get his drugs. I could have seriously killed the SOB when I found out he did. Start writing everything down that he says or does to show a judge just in case he does decide to go to court. Especially the fact that he told you he took his ohter kids on his drug run!! He doesn’t even deserve to be a father in my opinion! I realize drugs are a hard thing to overcome, but until he puts his children and their safety first, (which is VERY unlikely), you should keep them as far away from him as possible. You never know if he has pissed off a dealer, and they could come after the kids to get to him! That was my absolute worst fear with my ex, cause I know for a fact he pissed off a good many people. The judge will probably be able to look at him and tell he is an addict, they aren’t hard to spot, especially for someone who probably sees them on a daily basis! Good luck to you, and keep standing your ground!!
#15 by Lorree O on February 9, 2010 - 10:47 am
NO WAY, you have a right to protect your children and you have to do that by putting their best interests first. If you accuse him of having a drug problem in court the judge can order him to a drug test or a hair folical test to find out exactly what kind of drugs and the last time. Judges and the court is their to protect u and the kids,
You don’t have to let him in just because he is their father, do what u feel is best for the girls and for yourself,
Best of luck, God bless you!
#16 by heart_forever_sweet on February 9, 2010 - 11:04 am
You are doing what is best for your kids. I think you are doing the right thing not letting him around them alone. If he is hooked on drugs then you can’t trust him to take care of them properly. They don’t need to be left alone with a drug addict. I wouldn’t let my kids around anyone doing drugs or an alcoholic especially alone becuase they are my world and if anything happened to them I would go crazy. Be proud, you are a good parent!!
#17 by nativeamerican1968 on February 9, 2010 - 11:24 am
Since you have been letting him see them, just suddenly stopping the visitation could appear to the court as an attempt to alienate the children from their father. That said, NEVER allow him near the chidren while high, family services could get involved and bring charges of child endangerment against you for knowingly exposing the kids to a harmful situation. Supervised visits are the way to go. If you can proove the drug abuse, the family court will order him to undergo treatment and stay clean for a period of time before he gets unsupervised visitation. Get an attorney right away or go to legal aid.
#18 by thatsob01 on February 9, 2010 - 12:05 pm
Im sorry that u have such a shitty life…I read one of your answers
Hope it gets better for you