If you do not have an open mind or are going to say bad things about what she does then don’t bother!
My best friend does pot, and she drinks. She failed her last court ordered drug test. Now, she just got arrested for drinking. she’s 19 which was a miracle considering she was planning on doing acid tonight.
Idk what to do. I told her how bad it hurts me that she does it so close to her court date (idc if she does it but her court date is less than a month). she says that it hurts her that it hurts me but she just doesn’t stop. i’m just so afraid of losing her to a bad trip or her going to jail.
how can i get to her? i just don’t want her to do this stuff anymore. she’s been to rehab 4 times. she’s been hospitilized. so lock downs don’t work.
i don’t want an intervention.
idk i’m so helpless.
I’ve been to every court appearance. I’m the one to bail her out.
#1 by little red on February 9, 2010 - 4:05 pm
don’t give up on her just yet, addictions are really hard to break. do your best to be there for her, it’s ultimately her decision. maybe you could go to an AA meeting with her to show her that you’ll be there no matter what. And if it comes down to it, you may just need to do the intervention, and if that doesn’t work move on with your own life. I wish you the best, good luck.
#2 by confused on February 9, 2010 - 4:28 pm
u’ve told her how u felt and she heard, but she aint listening….hmm y dont u try spending as much time as possible with her, instead of saying how u feel about this SHOW her that u care adn offer to go with her to any kind of meeting that will help her get straight. talk with her shes most likely hurting and needs someon to listen (she will deny this)
#3 by 1stressedmother on February 9, 2010 - 5:16 pm
Have you ever tried telling her that if she doesn’t stop you won’t be her friend. Just telling her that might make her change her mind. But to me it doesn’t sound like she really cares how you feel and that she has a real problem. I went through the same thing me and my friend went to school together and grew up together and she started doing drugs and did them around me in public and everywhere. I didn’t want to get caught by the police so I asked her to stop and she didn’t so it ended up ending our friendship. It’s a respect thing.
#4 by best.bouy2 on February 9, 2010 - 5:26 pm
. YOU Can’t help her!
All you’re doing is ‘enabling’ her, making it eazy to do drugs cause you’re available to support her.
She has to hit botton on her own.
Leave her!
#5 by GUERA33 on February 9, 2010 - 5:29 pm
Not to be mean but sometimes tough love is what people need someone in my life was like that and I moved on but that’s what snapped them out of it maybe she just needs that wake up call that you are not going to put up with that shit….
#6 by sandy d on February 9, 2010 - 5:57 pm
i feel for what you are experiencing but i hate to tell you but there is really not too much you can do. just be there when she hits the bottom and she will. there is no way of knowing how long she can go on like that. it could be years or even forever. it is so sad for someone to suffer from substance abuse and equally sad for the people who have to watch. i would sure say don’t condemn and it sounds like you have not done that at all. i know you don’t want to do an intervention but if you did she would still have to be semi ready for some help. i just hope nothing unfixable happens before she gets ready to stop. it is a very sad situation. much like watching a train wreck.
#7 by andy on February 9, 2010 - 6:11 pm
I have a nephew that is doing the same thing,, and as much as I hate to say it ,, I had to distance myself from him,,, I told him that he has to make a choice,,,, (He laso has been to jail on numerous occasions and to rehab)) Nothing seems to work..
It hurt me but I told him as long as he continues the drugs he is not welcomed into my home.. I also told him that I loved him and I would be at his funeral cause that is where he is headed…
He has a job now and is doing very well,,, He still gets drunk once in a while but not nearly as often I told him I was proud of him but he can do better, He says “I know and I am trying”
I know that this doesn’t really help you but it is a long slow process and can be very painful to all concerned so
Good Luck
#8 by zaidisa2000 on February 9, 2010 - 7:04 pm
Give her something better than that and also give her some sort of understanding thru which she can realize your true loven for her.
#9 by Nash on February 9, 2010 - 7:07 pm
I did drugs when I was younger. I even went beyond into burglary, scams, and many other things. I ended up doing prison time. So many people tried to tell me.
We each have our own minds and our own decisions to make. Unfortunately, it is likely that your friends habits and behaviours are going to have to cost her something important for her to expand this limited view of herself and others.
Advice: Find a project the two of you can do that you think would intrigue her (interest being very important).
Make sure the project can give a sence of accomplishment to both of you and is practical ( such as a course for a particular job, job position, volenteer work, Job shadowing etc.). Something you both can actually see yourselves doing -Keep it simple! Start a routine, (ex. cards every wed and fri.) Something you both would really enjoy doing.
YOU ARE NOT GOD. YOU WILL NOT EVER CHANGE ANYONE. BUT !! YOU SURE CAN LOVE HER AND HELP HER TO DISCOVER THAT LIFE HAS SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER . YOU CAN DO THIS BY BEING A LIVING EXAMPLE AND STAYING INVOLVED. THE REST IS UP TO HER.
PS. Get ff her case. If she listens to you and stops doing all the things shes not supposed to do she won’t have anything left TO do. All don’ts must be replaced with some kind of alternative do. (Gradually). This goes for any kind of change in life.
#10 by Jill C on February 9, 2010 - 8:03 pm
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. Realize that when your friend tells you she is hurt, too, I’m sure she means it. But then the addict takes over. Drugs and alcohol are very powerful, and statistically, most people never beat addiction.
The only person who can help her is herself. She has to completely hit rock bottom and make a committment to turn her life around.
You have to decide if you’re willing to stand by her, or cut ties.
#11 by Lorraine D on February 9, 2010 - 8:47 pm
love her regardless…..that’s free.
But don’t put yourself in a position, both emotionally or financially to hurt yourself with your love for her.
Talking with her about her destructive behavior is a good thing. It shows your concern, and love.
So just keep limits on yourself, and not get all caught up
in her negative, destrutive actions. Addiction has grabbed her, and is controlling her…but you can talk with her and give her the positive feedback about herself that she needs right now. Tell her all the good stuff about herself, and how you miss seeing the real person in her, when the addiction is controlling her. And don’t forget to tell her how much you love her, and care too.