i recently went to court to retain custody of my 2 yr old son, i went in front of the judge submitted a dna test police reports and such his order was mother is to complete 9 months of intensive impatient drug treatment, there was a no contact order issued he also made it pertantly clear that she can only see him at my approval under supervision after she completes 9 months of rehab
we recently moved to dobbs ferry from florida the order was issued in florida is there a law that protects me fro running into future problems seeing as the judges orders clearly state that i am the custodail parent and that she is to have no contact which means no calling me my wife my mother grandparents etc… weather it be her or anyonbe else doing it for her
my 2 year old son is very happy with the only woman he has ever called mommy he is very happy he is taken to the park he is given nothing but unconditional love and this women who the last time saw him in febuary of 09 he cried as soon as i put him in her arms which was @ a halfway house and she still went out and smoked cracked
i dont get it i know i have to tell my son about her and i cannot wait until he is to old but he cant be to youbg either i do want him to know about her i will not ever tell him about the bad things i want him to choose if he wants a relationship with her assuming at that time she has long term sobreity (meaning 2 plus years)
i do not want him to resent me because he one day finda a birth certificate or sees pictures etc… i am just concerned about my son he has a good life and she (his biological) is only that and he will know her by her first name she has other kids whom she has nothing to do with i am just confused as to how to handle this situtation i knopw i am protected by the law i also know when the biological is sober she is not a bad person but i also know she cant tay clean to save her ass longer then a few months and all i want is for her to get well so my son can decide if he wants her in his life once he is old enough meaning somewhere between 5 & 7 yrs of age if i can find a correct way to tell him without tramatizing him because he has a Mommy and doesnt need a person in his life that wnats him to call her mommy yet is only there once every few months for day or so he was a convenience she used to ask me to keep him awake so she could play with him @ 11 pm @ night when he was only a yr old if he wouldnt eat she would force feed him i one time had to take him out of her hands and tell her to get the f**k away from my kid another time i had to pick her sorry azz up off the floor as she was passed out on drugs (many times)n i just dont know what to do i want the best life for my son and if that means she is a part of it somehow some way ok as long as he knows that she is only the biological , not the mommy
my son has so much love given to him by my wife and her sister and brother in law and all her cusins and her parents and ofcourse my mother and grand parents and aunt and uncles and cousins and so on please anyone who has experienced such things pos on this,thanks,
May GOD as you understand him/her/it bless you and your family
#1 by sidara on February 9, 2010 - 9:31 am
Hey there. So it sounds like you pretty much have it taken care of. Legally you have protected yourself and your boy. Your child is two. Does’nt sound like he cares for the mom anyway so good ridance to her. When he is older, say 5 and up, if he ask’s, just be matter of fact with him. ” Mommy’s not here because she cant be. That’s enough. As far as him resenting you; He may at times, but since he’ll never develop a relationship with her i would think resentment would be minimal, if at all. As you said the judge has given you full reighn. So take it. If you agree to visit’s insist they are supervised for manty year’s to come. If it ever appear’s it’s affecting negativley, stop visit’s. Cross each bridge as you come to it. Your boy is blessed. Hats off to you !! :)
#2 by Roary on February 9, 2010 - 10:11 am
I think the 5-7 years old is too young for him to decide whether he wants to get to know his real mother. Make him aware of her, without talking about her too much, from a young age. You are right to separate the biological mother from the mummy, your wife acts as his mother so let him know that she is his mother, though he has another one as well (similar to adopted children). Don’t give his real mother too many chances, give her short, supervised visits when she wants them but make sure he has a stable family environment that isn’t damaged by drugs or alcohol addicts. You sound like you are doing the best for your son, he will appreciate it as he grows up.
#3 by Marc on February 9, 2010 - 10:21 am
You have no problem with the custody issue now or in the future. At this time the Judge’s order in the court of jurisdiction states that you’re the sole custodian. And that once the 9 month period expires, the mother will have the opportunity to come into court asking for partial custody (I’m sure the judge made the order “without prejudice” which allows the mother to come into court after complying with the rehab requirement. However – you may, based on the information you stated here, think about going to court asking that the mother’s parental rights be terminated. You can do that based on the fact that the mother has made no effort to see the child, communicate with the child or support the child for all this time. Once you’re able to make the case that her rights be terminated, you can have the child adopted into your family by having your wife become his adoptive mother. Then his biological mother will no longer have claim on her biological child nor will she have any responsibility for him or his support in the future.