My husband started acting weird three or four years ago. I found out October 2007 he was using crack. He swore he stopped. In September I filed for divorce after he threw a phone at me and said he would kill me. In October 2008 he went to rehab, after the court ordered drug test came back VERY positive (off the charts according to the judge). I told him I wasn’t stopping the proceedings just because he did this. I am about to be forced into bankruptcy because he maxed out my credit and left me to pay the bills and care for our two children.
Here’s the rub. I do love him. I didn’t speak to him for a month, thinking the feelings would lessen….but they didn’t. He wants me to give him another chance. I want to, but so many people have helped me survive the past few months and if I take him back it is like I don’t appreciate it. I don’t know what I should do.
#1 by truth! on February 8, 2010 - 3:44 pm
He said he wanted to kill you.
RUN and dont look back.
#2 by steve s on February 8, 2010 - 4:43 pm
HELL NO
#3 by ?!?!?!? on February 8, 2010 - 5:02 pm
HELL NO!
#4 by silly_duck96 on February 8, 2010 - 5:11 pm
If you are smart, do not take this fool back.
#5 by Aimes on February 8, 2010 - 5:28 pm
Why would you want a violent drug user around your kids? Stop thinking about “you” and think about THERE needs.
#6 by wacky_wondergirl09 on February 8, 2010 - 6:23 pm
Sounds like you’re in a complicated situation. From the “outside looking in” I suggest that you just walk away and try to move on with your life, as hard as I’m sure that will be, especially since you have two children involved. But, you have to keep in mind that in all likelihood it will take you a LONG time to get your credit back to normal and on top of that you’ll have to find a way to let him still have a life with the two kids, without it getting more complicated for YOU as an individual. I hope the best thing for YOU to do will come to you naturally and with the least amount of regret possible. Good luck to you.
#7 by Poppy on February 8, 2010 - 6:58 pm
You don’t take him back. He is going to ruin you one way or another.
#8 by KingAndrew on February 8, 2010 - 7:38 pm
You need to get counseling what your describing is co-dependency. You got away with your life the last time, do not put yourself in that harm again. He is telling you what you want to hear and is playing you to the limit. Do the smart thing and break all contact with this human. Good luck.
#9 by Matthew M on February 8, 2010 - 7:51 pm
No.
#10 by emotionalzombie7997 on February 8, 2010 - 8:45 pm
Stay away from him. He will do it all over again if you let him. Tell your self you are over him and remind yourself of what he did to you. You will stop loving him. Then you can get on with your life and find someone who deserves to be with you.
#11 by Juanita D on February 8, 2010 - 9:38 pm
ok so he told u he wanted to kill u and u r thinking of taking him back maybe ur the one on crack
#12 by bonnie022363 on February 8, 2010 - 9:44 pm
I have been in this situation but with 4 children. The answer is NO! The feeling will go away. Don’t take any phone calls from him or see him. Change your phone number or even move…I know it is hard, but in the end it will be alot better for you and the kids..
#13 by Holli G on February 8, 2010 - 10:09 pm
The one thing to remember about drug addicts and recovering drug addicts is that they learn manipulation early in their addiction and eventually it becomes part of their personality. Even after they are in recovery, it is hard to ever go back to being the person you were before – and relapse is 80% possible.
#14 by rosie babayyy II on February 8, 2010 - 10:19 pm
this sounds like an episode of house of payne
#15 by getyourleash on February 8, 2010 - 10:38 pm
You think you love him. Wait until real love finds you.
Get rid of the monkey on your back, ie your loser husband.
Remember: A waste is terrible thing to mind.
#16 by theghost1@rocketmail.com on February 8, 2010 - 11:33 pm
Only take him back if you want: 1- to be bankrupt again. 2- Live with a crackhead. 3- have all sorts of bad things happen in your life. 3- you like betraying everyone who has been helping you through this. 4- those people who helped will abandon you and for good reason. That said, forget the love and the feelings. Let’s say you love apples, you pick it up to eat it and find it’s rotten. Would you eat it or throw it away, the answer is obvious. Yeah I know what you’re thinking, it’s: but this isn’t the same thing. Well it is the same thing, just different items.
#17 by HappyHolidays! on February 9, 2010 - 12:03 am
Are you in therapy? If not, you need to be. You are addicted to him and you are an enabler. Love means thinking of the other person first and never hurting them. Go listen to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H_eKpfFiME0
Your love with him is just security, predictablity, a habit.
Relationships are like glass sometimes its better to leave them broken thatn to hurt yyourself trying to put them back together.
Untilhe is “clean” and proves it by paying the bills and by being drug free for a year on his own wihtout you then he is not ready to come back or you willl just fall right back into the old routines.
Go to Alanon. It will help you understand him and how he is thinking. He may love you and you may love him but love isnt enough not until he is a whole person. Not until you are more important to him than crack or anything else. And if he hasnt paid the bills you arent.
Good luck, please please go to alanon and see a therapist befor eyou do anything else.
#18 by mamabear1957 on February 9, 2010 - 1:03 am
Drug addicts have a VERY high relapse rate, do you want to risk going back to that? He threatened to kill you! DO NOT take him back. Move on with your life and find a good man (they are out there, it took me 6 years after my divorce to find mine!).
#19 by Bullwinkle J Moose B.A.V. on February 9, 2010 - 1:06 am
Before you go any further towards him, you need to get your butt to counseling for yourself to heal AND figure out what is best for you.
One month is not long enough to lose those feeling you had for him, nor is it long enough for him to prove he has changed
Best of luck and may God bless you both
#20 by CC on February 9, 2010 - 1:09 am
ah, love can make us so dumb sometimes.
#21 by Heather L on February 9, 2010 - 1:41 am
No! Get some counseling for yourself to help move on. You don’t love this man. He’s a drug abusing loser! You love what he could have been to you. You are stuck in an abusive cycle and need some one to help you look at things logically. Your heart will follow once your head is in the right place. Try the phone book, ask a friend- whatever- find a good counselor that works with spouses of drug abusers. They will know what you have been through and can help you break free and move on to a healthy relationship! Your kids depend on you to make smart choices because your life directly affects their lives. Good luck.
#22 by ™iShONNA♥; on February 9, 2010 - 2:31 am
Yeah he may have changed for now but look at your future and not just this moment…If he said he was going to kill you I don’t think you should take him back. Like I said look towards your future with your baby’s if he would claim to harm you he may even harm your precious children…Run and don’t look back. Yeah he may have stopped with the use of crack but when drug addicts get upset about things it seems they turn back to the drug to lift them up…Idk it seem like your in a very confusing situation, Ive never been in a place like that. All I can say is if you want him to have a relationship with your children get it court ordered that he can see them certain times and maybe child support if he gets a job..Hes telling you what you want to hear, I wouldnt take him back because of your children think about that for a second hunny your children the precious ones you brought into this world yeah he did to but think of whats best for you….But if you decide to take him back I hope the best for you and you family. =] Pray that he will be right if you accept him back into your life.
#23 by AydensMommy n i work fulltime:0 on February 9, 2010 - 2:32 am
girl i know exactly what your going thru. i don’t have the exact same situation but something similar.
this is going to be a hard decision… it doesn’t seem that much time has passed… i’d give it more time.. make him prove himself.. with the kids and helping with the bills, etc.. if he refuses and says only if you get back he’ll do that then i’d be hesitant cause if he don’t want to put the time in then it might not be worth it.
they only way you’ll know for sure that he changed is if he proves it and not in 1 months… in a few months…
plus that might help with the other people who helped you… if their able to see how he’s changed.. eg.. they know he took the kids to give you a break and know your receiving money from him most likely they’ll be more understanding.
good luck and stay strong! it’s gonna be a bumpy road for a bit but it might be worth it…
oh, and if you decide to not take him back.. dont worry bout the feelings.. they’ll go away in time.. they always do.
i was head over heels with my ex husband (been divorced 7 yrs).. loved him more than anything.. to this day i’ve never loved anyone more than him (and i have a child with another man that i was with for very long) but i dont love him like that anymore and havent for awhile.
#24 by ◄ ☻ 1 Hot Cancer ? ☻ ► on February 9, 2010 - 2:40 am
um no lol!
he has to change for you remember that. Dont make it too easy for him!
#25 by allthrottlenobottle2000 on February 9, 2010 - 2:48 am
are you just a glutton for punishment?
he did it once,he’ll do it again,find some nice guy that will love you for you and who doesnt have a drug problem
#26 by C V on February 9, 2010 - 3:18 am
It takes a long time for people to change their ways. You have to let him prove to you that he is capable of being back in your life. You love him and he loves you and that’s all that matters. You don’t have to let him back in so quickly. Let time and let him show you that things have changed.