We have no formal or court ordered custody agreement, only a child support judgement. I have decided that until his father gets professional help for his alcoholism, that I will not allow him to take him from where we live, back to his home. He can only come here and visit with him. If he pursues this in court, do I have a right to request he have only be allowed visitation in my son’s primary home (mine). It doesn’t necessarily have to be supervised, just away from the alcohol.
Aside from his alcoholism, he and I are probably as close as people can be without being together. We both love our son very much, and care for eachother very deeply. I have no problem with him being in my home, thats not the issue, I just don’t want his son growing up around a drunk. I don’t want him to have a lifetime of dissapointments because his father can’t get his act together. He hasn’t been a threat as of yet, but who knows…it can only get worse if he doesn’t get professional help.
Most imporantly I’m not interested in more child support (although it would be nice, $400 a month doesn’t go far when you’re paying for private school). I am also not interested in keeping him from seeing his son. My main priority and concern is protecting my son from what could happen, and how it will affect his emotional well being having an alcoholic father. Other than that he’s a good person, very intellegent, just a drunk.
I’m not interesting in initiating a court case because I’m basically the one calling the shots now and if he’s interested in going against what I am saying, then he’ll have to initiate it. But I’m sure deep down he knows I am right, and wont pursue it because he knows he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
#1 by tomhale138 on February 6, 2010 - 2:49 am
no law against being a drunk, if he’s paying child support he can get the right for visitation, but if he doesnt have it already it will be harder for him to get if you can prove that he is a danger.
#2 by Truth Hurts on February 6, 2010 - 3:13 am
If the court gets involved you will be awarded supervised visits to control any conflicts between the two of you.
#3 by lynda on February 6, 2010 - 4:11 am
I understand your concern, but your husband unfortunately has rights also. I don’t think it would be good for him to come to your house, but you can contact your lawyer and see a supervised meeting place can be put into force. You should not just take matters in your own hands.
#4 by Another Garcia on February 6, 2010 - 4:59 am
You want a court order. You can not unilaterally change the rights of a parent in any state. Yet, you have a good case! You can get a court order that forces him to go to rehab before any visitations or to settle for supervised visitations. It is not a bad thing to do since situations like this can quickly get out of hand. (just read the news). Head down to the court house in your jurisdiction and visit the “self help” window. Talk to somebody there. If you got a little cash a family lawyer will be able to handle this for you. Maybe even get an IDO (Income Deduction Order) which will suck money out of his pay check to pay for child support. This protects you when he decides to not pay child support b/c you won’t let him visit (something he can’t do either). Good luck.
#5 by cheryl m on February 6, 2010 - 5:06 am
Good for you!! I would defiantly make sure he was SOBER FULLY!! before I would allow him any Type of visitation. and fight for full legal custody. If he truly cares about his child he will try and get better. Best of luck to you and your family as well as your sons Father
#6 by mom of girls on February 6, 2010 - 5:44 am
You actually need it to be supervised because he is an alcoholic who won’t seek treatment and he could take your son from where you have an approved visit to somewhere else if he really wanted to hurt you or the child. As for court order on that, yes it would be best if that were court ordered because then it can be changed if he seeks help and stays with a program and stays sober for the rest of the child’s years (until 18). You want to protect yourself and your child.
#7 by Nanneke on February 6, 2010 - 6:36 am
You have to protect your son. If I were you, I would worry about putting mychild into a vehicle with someone who has been drinking. I agree 100% with your standing on this, but you really should try for a formal binding agreement. If you do go to a court, I imagine you need some kind of documentation about his drinking otherwise it will be his word against yours.
Best of luck with this, and stay persistent.
#8 by hammy on February 6, 2010 - 7:26 am
guess what? paying child support does not give the parent visitation rights. they are two totally different issues. you, as the primary parent, can make the rules in the best interest of your child. if he decides to take you to court…….chances are when you voice your concerns it will be the way you want it to be. the courts are primarily interested in the best interest of the child, which gives you the upper hand. dont stress things like that ok? been there done that. keep the rules like you know they need to be to keep your son safe and in a better environment. that is the main objective here. if he wants to challenge that………..let him. as long as he is an alcoholic……..it aint gonna happen. thank goodness you see this. your child is very lucky to have a mother that can actually put his interest first, which is just the way it should be. kudo’s to ya!